To: Mrs. George W. Bush, Mrs. Richard Cheney
From:  Bellevue

We regret to inform you that your spouses are suffering from something we call Psychotic Delusionus Swaggerus Idioticus... 

President Bush on Wednesday said something demonstrably false and inflammatory about Iran -- asserting that the Iranian government has "declared they want to have a nuclear weapon to destroy people."

The Iranians have never done any such thing -- and for Bush to say so at a time of great tension between the two countries is bizarre at best.

So why did he say it? Was he actively trying to misrepresent the situation? Was it just a slip of the tongue? Or does he believe it, despite the abundant evidence to the contrary? [...]

And yet, as disturbing as the third possibility is -- that Bush is operating in an alternate reality -- it's supported by this simple fact: He's said almost exactly the same thing at least once before.

Mrs. Bush, Mrs. Cheney, the urgency for restraint and the employment of straight jackets cannot be stressed enough. We assure you, we used only the best quality product, the latest models, and have made every effort to meet with their fashion consultants before choosing the hue we like to call "Warmonger Ecru"... 

In short, it seems clear that Bush remains convinced that the Iranians continue to pursue nuclear weapons. Does he also somehow believe they've acknowledged this publicly? Or that they may as well have? Is this the kind of stuff that Cheney -- often the last person to talk to Bush before important decisions -- whispers in his ear?

It's worth getting Bush on the record about exactly how he understands the facts here.

And -- especially after the suspicious dismissal of Admiral William J. "Fox" Fallon earlier this month, and given Cheney's conviction that the legislative branch can't limit the executive's war-making powers -- it may be worth asking ourselves if there's anything that would prevent the president and vice president from acting on their delusions.

Thank you for your understanding. Visiting hours are alternate Sundays, 8 am through 12 noon, at which time we force feed them Freedom Fries as a reward for participating in "Waterboarding for Military Wannabes". They seem to genuinely enjoy their time together, and we were especially pleased to grant their request to be handcuffed together during that particular activity.

Yours very sincerely,

Dr. Laffy, Psyche Ward 13, Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital