Dear Constituent,

Thanks for your letter. While I always welcome the comments of my constituents, I have to disagree with you. In the struggle against terrorism, it is paramount that America rise to her own defense by behaving as a deranged cannibal. Tearing the flesh, minds, and souls of our real and perceived adversaries not only deters potential terrorists from further naughty activity, it rightly realigns the focus of control where it belongs; in our trembling, perspiring hands.

If you have never attended an enhanced interrogation, you cannot know the orgasmic bliss which flows from the first agonized squeal of the "enemy." Whether that be produced by an electrode, a bucket of water, or the pulling of a fingernail, it is always a reliable sign that one has regained control of one's surroundings, much as the song of the robin is the harbinger of spring.

In a world where nothing matters save the acquisition of goods and property, the terrorist's life is, and must remain, simple currency to be retained by the state against the time when its own vassals will rise against it and transport its leaders heads away on sharpened sticks.

Therefore, I will continue to support the vigorous enforcement of Homeland Security measures as a member of Congress, which is the opposite of Progress, and I truly look forward to the day when I can meet with you in that cool, dank, cement cubicle where I ply my patriotic trade while wearing a shiny flag lapel pin.

Please don't hesitate to keep me apprised of your exact whereabouts until the new National I.D. Law takes effect, at which time that will no longer be necessary. And, for heaven's sake, don't hesitate to inform upon your neighbor in the name of safety!

Sincerely yours,

Your Elected Representative