Yesterday, my ob/gyn once again recommended that I attend therapy. But In my community, therapy is synonym to crazy; so it is very likely that I won‘t go. He thinks that I am depressed and I have to be really honest here and admit that he might be right. He made it a point to strongly tell me that my past doesn't define me as a person and I agree with him because I am so much more than a victim... but what he doesn't know is that my anxiety, loss of motivation, unexplained tiredness and sudden weight gain are all connected to the sad fact that I as an undocumented person amongst normal, accepted, oblivious citizens feel like shit. I feel like a liar, a thief, a fake, a poser and a criminal. I can't drive, so I have to rely on the moods and whims of those around me to get anywhere. I don‘t work so my life consists of watching the clock tick and attainable dreams pass me by.

I honestly don't complain much about anything. I have taken everything that has ever happened to me in stride and as being God's will. But I am so tired!

Those who argue that legalizing America's undocumented workers and students would be "like a slap" in the faces of those who "waited in line for their turn to come here legally" don't seem (or are just too ignorant) to realize that just like family secrets; every legal immigrant family has one or a few illegals hiding in their closets. What I mean by this is that every single undocumented person you might come in contact with has at least one relative who is a U.S citizen or Resident.

In some instances, the ones antis "don't mind because they have papers", legal immigrants, are understanding, supportive and loving of their beloved undocumented relatives. Every time there is new talk of a potential legislation that could change our statuses, our lives, they hold their breaths and pray alongside us; they know why we are here and it's the same reasons that made them flee home too.

So next time someone tries you sell you the "back of the lines" line, just remember that they wish they could wipe out that (nonexistent) line and shut the doors in everyone's faces. But thank God this is still America, the land where with a little work, dreams can always come true.

My cousin is dying in a New-York City area hospital. Her husband was just diagnosed with Diabetes and her two year old has a stomach virus. Throughout her whole life, Max has struggled with a genetic, blood disorder known as Sickle Cell Disease. SCD mostly affects people of African ancestry; it is incurable. This has greatly robbed her of many things, including the productive life she lead prior to being hospitalized. although in great pain, both her smile and love for life have been left untouched. Growing up, we would all helplessly watch as she spent weeks, sometimes months in the less than stellar hospitals of Dakar (Senegal).

Somehow, when she was 25, my cousin was fortunate enough to get a visitor visa to the U.S. and since her mother was already here, needless to say, she overstayed. Max found a bill-paying-job, got married, had a child and settled into her new life.

Little is known about SCD in Africa; so those afflicted with the disease silently suffer and more often than not die from the complications it never fails to cause. Here, she could lead a normal life and up until recently, she did.

Since she is an illegal alien, my cousin cannot petition for any of her immediate family members to come and be by her bedside. Two years earlier, her mother- my aunt and fellow alien, dejected by CIR's failure had packed her belongings and returned to Dakar.

Yes, my cousin is an illegal alien. But had you met her in the real world, had you gotten to know her, you would have like her; that I‘m sure.

And maybe, you would have even been able to see the human in her. The human she is.

As hard as they try to make the U.S. believe in their lies disguised as truths, when it comes to opposing Immigration reform and the Dream Act, the antis don't really have a leg to stand on. So, they plot, plan and launch online and phone smear campaigns which consist of:

Since I've joined the fight to make Dream a reality, I've noticed that the typical anti always feels the need to pass him/herself as a happy and wealthy expert in the Immigration process and pertaining laws. But I can't help but wonder how happy and fulfilled they actually are. They want everyone to believe that they have America's best interest at heart. But what kind of person invests his time and his life fighting against children who've done nothing to him but want to contribute to the same economy, the same culture and country that he proclaims to love. We already are productive, educated members of this society so why don't these patriots want us to become recognized citizens of the U.S.

Antis try to make this an us (true Americans) against them (the illegal aliens) issue. They try to push, to sell their stand as a it's them (dreamers) or our children attitude. But all one has to do is to take a good, unbiased look at the facts and realize that there must be ulterior motives behind all of this hatred...

My whole life, I have never blamed my shortcomings on others. In fact, I am a firm believer that we are to roll with the punches, learn from our mistakes, our past, get over them somehow and do better the next time around. I Sayuri, refuse to ever think about blaming anyone, specially not my parents, for the problems my undocumented status causes me today. I know that just like any other dreamer out there whose parents brought them here illegally, or made overstay a visa, mine did it out of love, because they saw a potential in me, because they wanted better for me and nothing more.

I am not ashamed or apologetic for my presence here because I haven't stolen a damned thing from anyone. I haven't lied my way into anything either. So it sucks balls to be labeled and tossed or called demeaning names on discussion boards, mostly by hypocrites for wanting and fighting for the same things their ancestors or parents came to America for. It sickens me that these are adults who knowingly and blatantly spread deceit about us in order to stop the dream act from being passed, adults with children my age who refuse to see us the way they see their offsprings or just as human beings who deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and a roadblock-free chance at attaining the American dream. They don't even have the decency to concede the fact that we are not criminals because there is a big difference between coming and brought.

For a while, I considered moving to Canada. At least there, I would be accepted before time runs out on me and my dreams. Then I realized, that this is my country too because I love and want to serve America the same way they do.

I am not going ANYWHERE!!!!

Now deal with it!

From the moment we started this blog, I have been unable to get its' title out of my head: A dream deferred. Most days, I always find myself contemplating its' meaning to me, personally and I have come to realize that, as much as I don't like to admit it, my undocumented status has indeed forced me to postpone many if not all of my dreams and aspirations. Some I know will be fulfilled someday, others time has slowly taken with him.

My deferred dreams didn't fester or crust over And as much as I would have liked them to, they can't run or explode, not even to set me free. As a matter of fact, their deafening silence and quiet urgency can only be heard by me, it seems. My deferred dreams are just that, a heavy, forbidden load waiting to materialize.

It took me a few years to stop my daily scouring for news of some legislation, a lawyer or frankly anything that could have saved me and as I've matured, I now realize that being undocumented is the plight that I and those like me share and must carry in this world. I have come to accept that as bad as my status or lack thereof is, my life could have easily been worse...

I decided to stop feeling robbed and unjustly punished and bathe in my blessings.

I've heard it so many times the "I'm not against immigration as long as it's legal" line and as time passes, I've come to understand that it's quite like the "I'm not racist, I have black/white/Latino friends" line: besides being defensive and utterly telling about one's secret feelings, it doesn't justify a damned thing!

Many an anti has argued that tougher laws, long prison terms and mass deportations can deter the

undocumented workers who are already here from staying and more from coming into "his country" to "take his jobs" and "live off of his tax dollars".

But please understand that there are no though enough laws, no high enough walls or fences that can discourage desperate men and women from coming and finding safe heavens for themselves and their families here. They want the same thing generation upon generation of immigrants before them came to America for: a better life.

As hard as it might be, I wish each anti who spews hate on us for being here illegally would take a minute from all of the hate and fear mongering to walk a mile In our shoes. I wish, they knew what it feels like for a parent to know that the country you love and know has nothing to give to your children, just like it had nothing to give to you. Had anyone else on this planet been in our places, in our parents places, they would have made the same choices we have. They too would have crossed or overstayed; quietly living in the shadows, working back-breaking, low wage jobs, all the while, deep down, keeping hope that the country they have grown to love will be kinder to their children than it had been to them. All the while dreaming for them, the dreams they once had for themselves. Except that this time around, there is hope!

As much as the Antis would love for this to happen, we, undocumented students and workers alike, can’t just be wished away into oblivion. We also can’t be ignored into disappearing or nonexistence, and a nationwide mass deportation is awfully unlikely, if not impossible. Fences don’t solve problems; they also can’t stop a desperate man from crossing the border or overstaying a visa in order to provide for his hungry family. The only way to solve the Immigration crisis is through a thorough and comprehensive reform that will legalize the hard working people who abide by the laws of this country and after due process, deport the criminals who don’t.
I am worn out and saturated by the notion, that’s being pushed by Anti-immigration groups that we are planning to “take over”, unwilling to “assimilate” and too lazy to take advantage of the legal recourses available to us, in order to change our immigration statuses in the U.S.
But the truth is, getting Immigration benefits like Green Cards, Work Permits, etc... is very time consuming -taking anywhere from 6 months to two and a half years, costly and almost impossible unless you have”qualifying relatives” who are willing to go through the chaotic process of petitioning you.
There are no “back of the lines” to get back to and returning to whatever country you ran away from in the first place to try your luck at a legal return will most-likely cost you a ten year ban from U.S. soil and a loss of everything you’ve been working so hard for.
I don’t know anyone who’d be willing to take that risk.

Undocumented students are, in most cases highly skilled in their fields of study. We are hard working and dedicated young people; we are ready to contribute to the country that raised and provided us with an education, a home and opportunities. But Each year, we are ignored and pushed aside as the U.S imports thousands of skilled workers, like us,  from third world countries to fill positions we‘ve grown up dreaming to hold someday. We, America's undocumented children, are hunted down and marked for deportation to countries many of us barely know or don't even want to remember at all.

Yes, the immigration debate is quite dicey and regardless of our position on the issue, it also tends to bring out the rawest of emotions in all of us, but there is no denying that no child is responsible or should be punishable for his parents actions, his parents decision to bring them to the U.S. Expecting undocumented students to willingly return or wanting them to be deported to places they have no emotional ties to or know nothing about is unrealistic and unfair on so many levels.

We are like illegimate children: quietly living in the shadows and desperately hoping for love and acceptance from a parent. We await the Bill that will someday finally allow us to live the lives we've always dreamt of growing up behind the white picket fences. We hope, pray for the best. We live on someday; meanwhile time is passing us by...

"Isn't this special? Was he in love or just wanting citizenship? And here is a messege for her. Your here illegally, GO HOME NOW! Stop trying to get a hand out from the American people. If your going to stay here at least get a freking job and pay for your education like Americans do. So, the job doesn't pay that much and thats partly because so many of you iilegals are here driving down your own wages, so you can't really complain can you? It seems to be the same old story, look for anything free and if you can't get it honestly then lie, cheat, steal or marry a citizen to get it aye? Everytime you take something free from the government it cost us the tax payers. Maybe in the country where you are from lying, cheating and not being honest is a way of life but here it isn't. It isn't respectible and its looked down on by people with dignity and pride. There are millions of Americans that do things the right way even if it sucks. Millions of Americans will work for nothing in order to avoid taking welfare and food stamps. I suggest you leave or find a job. Life isn't about everything you want just because you want it, sometimes you need to work just to pay the bills. I'm sure wherever your living its costing someone. How are you eating, getting around, buying clothes? If your mom is paying for this I suggest you get a job and take some burden off her, be an adult. Be a respectible self reliant adult. You have some education so you need to start working, stop being a bum. The sooner you get working, the sooner you can get to college, don't wait on freebies, thats the easy and unresposible way out. Not only is it unrespectible, unethical and immoral, your here illegally. Please go home as soon as possible!"

I barely read comments under articles anymore, but I couldn't help but notice this one posted at indyweek.com; not only is it fueled by disinformation, it is also full of it... untruths that it. I come across comments like these daily. Senseless comments, that sadly, used to get under my skin; a feeling I have now outgrown.

They always leave me feeling like I need to shake someone into understanding that just because a person is here illegally doesn't mean that they are looking for handouts or preparing for take-over. People cross borders and overstay visas to work hard and provide for their families. And as far as undocumented students are concerned, we cannot receive federal aid and in most cases, we do not qualify for instate tuition rates. We also don't qualify for or want any form of Welfare or something "free from the Government". We are not looking for anything we haven't worked hard for or deserved; all we want is a leveled playing field through legalization and until someone has gone through the Immigration process, they cannot understand what a daunting task this is, without immigration reform.

I don't know what you see when looking at undocumented students and workers but all I see are respectable, dignified people who put their prides aside to work hard for next to nothing, in order to give their children a chance at the American dream.

And Nopcism dear, we are not going anywhere because This America is our Home!